Below is a beautiful message from our dear, dear Nicky. She is an MKY Community member, deep thinker, Truth-teller and so much more. She shares here about a profound experience in our recent New Moon Healing Ceremony.
Sat Nam MKY Community,
Wherever you are in the world (inner or outer), I know this message will find you at the perfect moment, in the perfect space and in the most perfect way possible for you at this time.
Synchro-Divinity is when unforeseen circumstances line up perfectly and "coincidentally." They are so perfectly and eerily timed that they just have to be guided by an energetic force bigger than our human self. This is what I have been experiencing with MKY and my own healing practice lately.
Recently, I have been digging deeply into my most intimate relationships (with my father, brother, partner and children). I am finally starting to understand that there are indescribable opportunities for healing within these connections. Every time I discover a new opportunity for healing, it is Synchro-Divinely the intention of the next MKY class I attend. This tells me that I am open and now I have a choice: close back up and avoid the pain or remain open, curious and say "yes". This leads me to the New Moon Healing Ceremony I attended the other night, guided by graceful and radiant souls, Padmani and Manush...
Padmani opened our circle with the most beautiful invocation, inviting us to welcome in our inner child. What is so Synchro-Divine about this? Well, I am reading a book titled How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LaPera (The Holistic Psychologist). The chapter I've been focusing on is Chapter 7: Meet Your Inner Child. This chapter has been achingly accurate to things I am realizing about myself, like how my family disregarded my big feelings as a young girl because it made them uncomfortable. As a result, I shut down, closed my heart, and armored up using indifference and aloofness to cover up any and every emotion I experienced. (Yes, even joy.)
My heart ached and jumped for joy when my inner-Nicky came out to play. She was scared and excited at the same time. Scared because she wasn't sure if she would be fully accepted if she showed up as her real self, and joyful because she felt like this was one of the only places where she could fully show up. For a little one, this weird contradiction in feelings can be confusing, but she said "yes" because she trusted us, our community.
As excited as she was, she contracted again when Manush excitedly announced we would be doing Sat Kriya for 15 minutes, but she trusted him, too and knew he wouldn't lead her astray. She said "yes" again.
A few minutes into Sat Kriya, when I started to wonder how in all Holy Hell I'd be able to see this through, my (late) mom appeared and started cheering me on from the Ethers. I haven't felt her this strongly in a little while. She was right there with me, unlike growing up, as she worked two jobs and dismissed so many of my emotions and stories because she was just so exhausted. This was her way of showing up for me. This was her atonement. I accepted it, embraced it, and used it to keep me up. It worked.
Deep relaxation was pure bliss. Every cell in my body was ignited. My DNA was restructuring itself. I could feel it. Was it the yoga, or was it forgiveness? Was it simply because I said, yes? Was it just because I actually showed up to class? I will never truly know, and that's more than OK. The "why" is what trips us up more often than not.
The last meditation started off to be so fun. I remembered when my daughter, Devon, let me record her doing it. I could just hear her singing, "I AM happy. I AM good." Then the tears. Tears, tears, tears. My inner, little Nicky realized that she is good and she is happy. She knows her parents did the best they could with what they had available to them at the time. It's all OK.
I then started to see how harsh I can sometimes be with my own kids. I cried for them. I cried for me. I cried for us. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I am doing the best I can, and my best changes from day to day, from moment to moment.
SO much went down for me the New Moon Healing. It's not because I'm special. It's not because I've been doing this for a "long time". It's not at all because I am any more "advanced" than anyone else. It's because I said yes. I said yes to allowing a part of me that I thought I lost forever to come out and play in a safe, loving space, even though I knew that this game wouldn't necessarily be the most fun we've ever had.
This is what MKY is for me. My safe place. Yes, I can find that within myself, sure, but to have a community to support your healing in such an authentic and unconditionally loving way, is priceless. If you have yet to attend class or any of our moon ceremonies for whatever reason, one day, I hope you say yes. I hope to see your glowing gorgeous face in all of its grace, glory, suffering, angst, uncertainty, joy and radiance, because whatever way you show up, I love you anyway. Every ounce of you.
May we always remember that there is joy to be found within each and every moment.
May we remember that we always, always have a choice.
May we learn to love every single ounce of ourselves. Only then can we truly love another.