I made a mistake. I spelled a word wrong on a brochure I created, and I missed it. It got paid for and printed. It gets worse. The word was KUNDALINI, a word which as a Kundalini Yoga teacher and studio co-owner, you can imagine I type often and am expected to know how to spell. And it gets worse still... it really mattered because where I misspelled the word was IN OUR URL (www.montclairkundaliniyoga.com). When I opened the package of brochures and saw that glaring error, the first word that came to my mind was stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could I miss that?
And stupid could have been on repeat and become my mantra for the day and put me in a I-ruin-everything-kind-of-funk. But then, I reached out to my friend Andy. I reached out to share my despair, but luckily he helped me shift my perspective right away.
First, he saw a simple solution that I couldn't see because I was too blinded by stupid, stupid stupid. We could print stickers with the correct URL and not have to scrap the brochures and pay for new ones. Then, he shared with me something he learned from his study of the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. (If you don't know the book, it contains a code of conduct that can lead to transformation, happiness, and freedom.) Andy explained that the First Agreement -- Be Impeccable with your Word -- refers to not only what we say to others but also how we talk to ourselves. He said I should embrace my failures rather than judge myself.
In his book, Ruiz explains that the mind is fertile ground, so we have to be careful, impeccable about the seeds we plant there. If someone calls us stupid or we call ourselves stupid, that opinion can take root and grow and infect our whole lives. The author gives an example of a mom who came home from work tired with a headache and found her daughter full of exuberance and singing. The singing became loud and the mom's head hurt more, so she snapped and told her child to stop because she had an ugly voice. That little girl never sang again.
I would venture to guess that we all can trace back to harsh words spoken to us in our childhoods that made us constrict in some way because we believed them. We believed them, repeated them, relived them, and then reinforced the "truth" of them for years and years and years.
To put it in a Kundalini context, we all have mantras, words that we repeat to ourselves. They can be negative -- stupid, ugly, lazy. They can be positive -- smart, beautiful, strong. Or they can be sacred -- Sat Nam, Ang Sang Wahe Guru, Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad.
Sat Nam - Truth is my Identity
Ang Sang Wahe Guru - The Great Infinite Wisdom vibrates in every cell of my being
Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad - The Creator and Creation are one, the Truth of this is the Guru's gift.
Now those are impeccable words. I think the more we plant sacred seeds the more the negative "weeds" that have taken root get crowded out. I obviously still have some work to do because stupid bloomed pretty quickly and took over.
This is the work I emphasize a lot when I teach, shedding the untrue, shedding the layers of conditioning from our upbringing and society that don't fit with the truth of who we are.
When I look at my mistake, I still cringe a little. Fortunately, thanks to my friend, it'll soon be covered up by a sticker and fortunately, I was reminded to be impeccable with my word and talk to myself with compassion.
The moral of the story is to catch the negative self-talk before it takes hold and, when that fails, have a good friend to remind you. May the Truth in you guide you to speak to yourself with self-love, and please, please, please chant some beautiful mantras.
Cate discovered Kundalini Yoga by accident over 20 years ago and was surprised and thrilled by how engaged, energized, and inspired it made her feel. She's been practicing ever since. In 2008, Cate completed her Level 1 (200 hr) teacher training with Hari Kaur Khalsa of Hari NYC. In 2012, she broadened her knowledge with a very special Holistic Hatha Yoga training (300 hr) with Amy Witmyer of Sacred Space. Kundalini Yoga is her home, her go-to sanctuary, her point of peace and insight. She believes that it is a wonderful tool for busy times and busy minds. Join Cate on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and Friday mornings for Kundalini Yoga & Meditation.
The other day, I sat down to do Reiki on my dog, Star. I began the invocation to call on divine assistance to let the Reiki energy flow through me to my anxious pup, to heal the trauma she experienced before she was rescued. Star was turning around, trying to squeeze her wet nose under my arms, "Pet me, pet me, pet me." And my mind was turning around too, trying to take me out of the moment. My mind didn't want to stay on track. I noticed that and took a deep breath and started again. I felt my hands. "The pulsing is real," I said to myself. "The energy is real." "May I be a conduit for healing energy," and I placed my hands on Squirmywormy-Wigglesworth aka Star, and we both settled.
As we proceeded, I kept needing to recalibrate. I focused on my breath and tuned back into the energy, and a mantra came to me: Aad Such Jugad Such Hai Bhai Such Nanak Hosee Bhai Such. This is the mantra for dissolving blocks. It was curious that this is the one that came to me because it's not one of my go-to mantras. But I repeated it internally because I believe that the mantras that rise to the surface are significant. I may not always know the significance of why one mantra rises to the surface over another, but I believe there is a reason. Maybe Star has blocks to feeling safe and relaxed; maybe I have blocks to letting the energy come through. Or another reason not obvious to me. Nevertheless, mantra kept me present. I relied on the mantra.
I've found that the internal process of delivering Reiki is much the same as the internal process when playing the gong: Tune in and STAY tuned in. When I sit down to play the gong, I must first repeat three mantras to invoke protection and inner guidance. Then as I begin to strike the gong, I try to focus and "unfocus" at the same time. I liken it to the way you look at an optical illusion, unfocusing your eyes so you can see the hidden image. This is concentrating, but it's concentrating on being clear, emptying. More often than not, I rely on mantra to do that, to keep me tuned in. I let a mantra come and repeat it to myself as I play. I rely on mantra.
And, of course, it's the same process as doing yoga. We tune in with Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo, and we endeavor to stay tuned in as we practice, inhaling Sat and exhaling Nam. Let me tell you if you think you're the only one whose mind goes in a bunch of different directions all the time even when you're on the mat, you're wrong. It's a constant recalibration, a constant clearing, as it is delivering hands on healing, as it is playing the gong. We rely on Sat Nam.
I believe that mantra is our best recalibration tool, and I am so grateful that I found mantra. In fact, it's a bonafide miracle that I found it because I was NOT looking. When I first stumbled into a Kundalini Yoga class years ago, I did not know what I was getting into. When I heard the mantras, I was completely "weirded out." I fancied myself way too "normal" for mantras. (Little did I know!) Nevertheless, I somehow stayed with it. I stayed with it, but with a "bad" attitude. I told myself that I was only "visiting" the weirdo Kundalini world. It wasn't my world. I wasn't a chanter. The mantras weren't for me. Yet somehow, over time, the mantras melted me and, over time, they came to be my favorite part of the practice. Somehow now, mantras rise to the surface when I need them. Wahe Guru!
The word somehow in my usage above (and maybe always) is synonymous with "By Grace" or "Through Destiny's Momentum." I am here, and sharing the teachings of Kundalini Yoga, particularly the gift of mantra, is my life's work. Wahe Guru!
Today in class, a student said to me that she wished she'd had a practice when she first became a mother. I agreed. When my son was born 18 years ago, I had found Kundalini Yoga, but I wasn't all in. I was still in the "bad" attitude phase. I can get pulled into regret on the years I wasted on resistance. Yes, years. Ten years to be exact that I practiced as a tourist in the spiritual realm.
Then, I wonder if I needed to go through the years of resistance. In those years of half-hearted practice was a lesson. Perhaps I went through all those years, so that I could urge you not to...
Don't waste time thinking you don't belong in a spiritual practice. Don't waste time thinking the mantras aren't for you. They are for you. They are available, accessible, and useful to all of us. They are not religion. They are not weird. They are ancient guidance that resonate on a soul level, guiding us to be present, guiding us to be clear, guiding us to our purpose.
And if you do waste time as I did, know that if you continue with the mantras (with any attitude) they'll eventually penetrate. Inevitably, they will dissolve the walls.
If you had told me 20 years ago that I would be a Kundalini Yoga teacher who belted out mantras and started a blog talking about giving Reiki to a dog, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet, somehow, here I am.
I remember packing my son Ben's lunch for his first day of preschool. I wanted it to be perfect. I put some goldfish in Tupperware. Then, I worried. What if his tiny three-year-old fingers couldn't open the container? I wouldn't be there to open it for him. What if he was too shy to ask a teacher for help? He wouldn't be able to have the comfort of his favorite snack. I cried a little as I watched this scene play out in my mind.
Last week, I cried again, as I packed Ben up for his first year of college. I labeled everything meticulously. I wanted it to be perfect. I conformed completely to the what-to-pack and what-not-to-pack lists. Everything he needed. Nothing he didn't need.
The day we dropped him off, we unpacked and all my planning and labeling proved worthwhile -- until something wasn't perfect. There were no hangers. We'd been told not to bring hangers. Hangers would be provided. Except they weren't. How could he embark on his college journey without hangers?
We looked for someone to ask. We googled. Never mind the fact that Ben has about two things that need to be hung up. He's a T-shirt and gym shorts kind of guy. Never mind that the consequences of not having hangers are... non-existent?
Ben, in his wisdom, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, "I can handle it. I'll find hangers." I looked up at him unsure, and he said, "I got it."
Translation: "Mom, you gotta let go."
And I did. I left him in his hanger-less dorm room to find his way.
I know other parents out there can relate to the desire to control how our kids' lives go. Of course, we can't nor should we. Nevertheless, the impulse to clear the path stirs in the heart center.
How can I soothe this stirring when I can't make him a meal, give him a ride, proofread his homework? As with all things, I turn to Kundalini Yoga. I've felt too unsettled over the last couple of days to sit and practice, even though I know it would help. But what I can manage from this tradition I love is mantra.
The mantra that I gravitate toward in this transitional moment is Sat Narayan, the mantra for going with the flow. Now, I know that the phrase "going with the flow" sounds trivial in a hippy kind of way. But going with the flow is anything but trivial. With whatever arrives on our doorstep -- sending a child to college, moving, the death of a loved one, huge success, financial difficulty, new love, divorce, any of life's ups and downs -- if we accept what is and feel peace, we are winning the game of life.
Sat Narayan guides me with its sacred vibration into that acceptance and peace, going with the flow. When I chant Sat Narayan, I connect to an undercurrent of sustenance, rivers of teachings which bypass my intellect and go right to my soul.
Even if my mind is jumping and questioning and negative, if I stay with it and keep chanting, I begin to receive. I'm like a fussy baby protesting and squirming at first but with time the rocking brings deep comfort. Chanting is the rocking and rocker's heartbeat. With mantra, I soothe myself. I rely on my path, as I let Ben go to discover his own.
You can find a link to samples of my favorite versions of Sat Narayan in the comments below. What mantra soothes you? Please let us know in the comments below.
May we all feel sustained through all the ups and downs of life. May the truth in you guide you.
Cate discovered Kundalini Yoga by accident over 20 years ago and was surprised and thrilled by how engaged, energized, and inspired it made her feel. She's been practicing ever since. In 2008, Cate completed her Level 1 (200 hr) teacher training with Hari Kaur Khalsa of Hari NYC. In 2012, she broadened her knowledge with a very special Holistic Hatha Yoga training (300 hr) with Amy Witmyer of Sacred Space. Kundalini Yoga is her home, her go-to sanctuary, her point of peace and insight. She believes that it is a wonderful tool for busy times and busy minds. Join Cate on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday mornings for Kundalini Yoga & Meditation.