I remember packing my son Ben's lunch for his first day of preschool. I wanted it to be perfect. I put some goldfish in Tupperware. Then, I worried. What if his tiny three-year-old fingers couldn't open the container? I wouldn't be there to open it for him. What if he was too shy to ask a teacher for help? He wouldn't be able to have the comfort of his favorite snack. I cried a little as I watched this scene play out in my mind.
Last week, I cried again, as I packed Ben up for his first year of college. I labeled everything meticulously. I wanted it to be perfect. I conformed completely to the what-to-pack and what-not-to-pack lists. Everything he needed. Nothing he didn't need.
The day we dropped him off, we unpacked and all my planning and labeling proved worthwhile -- until something wasn't perfect. There were no hangers. We'd been told not to bring hangers. Hangers would be provided. Except they weren't. How could he embark on his college journey without hangers?
We looked for someone to ask. We googled. Never mind the fact that Ben has about two things that need to be hung up. He's a T-shirt and gym shorts kind of guy. Never mind that the consequences of not having hangers are... non-existent?
Ben, in his wisdom, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, "I can handle it. I'll find hangers." I looked up at him unsure, and he said, "I got it."
Translation: "Mom, you gotta let go."
And I did. I left him in his hanger-less dorm room to find his way.
I know other parents out there can relate to the desire to control how our kids' lives go. Of course, we can't nor should we. Nevertheless, the impulse to clear the path stirs in the heart center.
How can I soothe this stirring when I can't make him a meal, give him a ride, proofread his homework? As with all things, I turn to Kundalini Yoga. I've felt too unsettled over the last couple of days to sit and practice, even though I know it would help. But what I can manage from this tradition I love is mantra.
The mantra that I gravitate toward in this transitional moment is Sat Narayan, the mantra for going with the flow. Now, I know that the phrase "going with the flow" sounds trivial in a hippy kind of way. But going with the flow is anything but trivial. With whatever arrives on our doorstep -- sending a child to college, moving, the death of a loved one, huge success, financial difficulty, new love, divorce, any of life's ups and downs -- if we accept what is and feel peace, we are winning the game of life.
Sat Narayan guides me with its sacred vibration into that acceptance and peace, going with the flow. When I chant Sat Narayan, I connect to an undercurrent of sustenance, rivers of teachings which bypass my intellect and go right to my soul.
Even if my mind is jumping and questioning and negative, if I stay with it and keep chanting, I begin to receive. I'm like a fussy baby protesting and squirming at first but with time the rocking brings deep comfort. Chanting is the rocking and rocker's heartbeat. With mantra, I soothe myself. I rely on my path, as I let Ben go to discover his own.
You can find a link to samples of my favorite versions of Sat Narayan in the comments below. What mantra soothes you? Please let us know in the comments below.
May we all feel sustained through all the ups and downs of life. May the truth in you guide you.
Cate discovered Kundalini Yoga by accident over 20 years ago and was surprised and thrilled by how engaged, energized, and inspired it made her feel. She's been practicing ever since. In 2008, Cate completed her Level 1 (200 hr) teacher training with Hari Kaur Khalsa of Hari NYC. In 2012, she broadened her knowledge with a very special Holistic Hatha Yoga training (300 hr) with Amy Witmyer of Sacred Space. Kundalini Yoga is her home, her go-to sanctuary, her point of peace and insight. She believes that it is a wonderful tool for busy times and busy minds. Join Cate on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday mornings for Kundalini Yoga & Meditation.
Co-owners and Instructors of Montclair Kundalini Yoga, Cate Baily and Savitri Narayan Kaur. See their bios here.