I made a mistake. I spelled a word wrong on a brochure I created, and I missed it. It got paid for and printed. It gets worse. The word was KUNDALINI, a word which as a Kundalini Yoga teacher and studio co-owner, you can imagine I type often and am expected to know how to spell. And it gets worse still... it really mattered because where I misspelled the word was IN OUR URL (www.montclairkundaliniyoga.com). When I opened the package of brochures and saw that glaring error, the first word that came to my mind was stupid. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could I miss that? 

And stupid could have been on repeat and become my mantra for the day and put me in a I-ruin-everything-kind-of-funk. But then, I reached out to my friend Andy. I reached out to share my despair, but luckily he helped me shift my perspective right away. 

First, he saw a simple solution that I couldn't see because I was too blinded by stupid, stupid stupid. We could print stickers with the correct URL and not have to scrap the brochures and pay for new ones. Then, he shared with me something he learned from his study of the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. (If you don't know the book, it contains a code of conduct that can lead to transformation, happiness, and freedom.) Andy explained that the First Agreement -- Be Impeccable with your Word -- refers to not only what we say to others but also how we talk to ourselves. He said I should embrace my failures rather than judge myself. 

In his book, Ruiz explains that the mind is fertile ground, so we have to be careful, impeccable about the seeds we plant there. If someone calls us stupid or we call ourselves stupid, that opinion can take root and grow and infect our whole lives. The author gives an example of a mom who came home from work tired with a headache and found her daughter full of exuberance and singing. The singing became loud and the mom's head hurt more, so she snapped and told her child to stop because she had an ugly voice. That little girl never sang again. 

I would venture to guess that we all can trace back to harsh words spoken to us in our childhoods that made us constrict in some way because we believed them. We believed them, repeated them, relived them, and then reinforced the "truth" of them for years and years and years. 

To put it in a Kundalini context, we all have mantras, words that we repeat to ourselves. They can be negative -- stupid, ugly, lazy. They can be positive -- smart, beautiful, strong. Or they can be sacred -- Sat Nam, Ang Sang Wahe Guru, Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad.

Sat Nam - Truth is my Identity
Ang Sang Wahe Guru - The Great Infinite Wisdom vibrates in every cell of my being
Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad - The Creator and Creation are one, the Truth of this is the Guru's gift. 

Now those are impeccable words. I think the more we plant sacred seeds the more the negative "weeds" that have taken root get crowded out. I obviously still have some work to do because stupid bloomed pretty quickly and took over.

This is the work I emphasize a lot when I teach, shedding the untrue, shedding the layers of conditioning from our upbringing and society that don't fit with the truth of who we are. 

When I look at my mistake, I still cringe a little. Fortunately, thanks to my friend, it'll soon be covered up by a sticker and fortunately, I was reminded to be impeccable with my word and talk to myself with compassion. 

The moral of the story is to catch the negative self-talk before it takes hold and, when that fails, have a good friend to remind you. May the Truth in you guide you to speak to yourself with self-love, and please, please, please chant some beautiful mantras. 

Cate discovered Kundalini Yoga by accident over 20 years ago and was surprised and thrilled by how engaged, energized, and inspired it made her feel. She's been practicing ever since. In 2008, Cate completed her Level 1 (200 hr) teacher training with Hari Kaur Khalsa of Hari NYC. In 2012, she broadened her knowledge with a very special Holistic Hatha Yoga training (300 hr) with Amy Witmyer of Sacred Space. Kundalini Yoga is her home, her go-to sanctuary, her point of peace and insight. She believes that it is a wonderful tool for busy times and busy minds. Join Cate on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and Friday mornings for Kundalini Yoga & Meditation. ​

I have received many gifts in my lifetime. Sweaters, coats, jewelry, even a car! Yes, I actually got a car for my 30th birthday. These gifts were all great to receive. But the pleasure didn’t truly last. I wore the clothes and the watches; I drove the car, but those gifts just didn’t bring lasting joy. Recently, I received a gift that resonates through every cell and fiber of my being. It is with me every second of the day, every day.

The gift is not a material thing. I can’t look at it. I can’t wear it, and I can’t drive it. Instead, I live it. It is who I am now. 

I undertook a journey three years ago that led me to an “aha" moment. Three years ago, I started my Kundalini Yoga practice. This tradition has changed me in so many ways. I have gotten so much inspiration from the many teachers I have been fortunate to meet and study with.

When I decided to become a teacher, I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do at that moment of my journey. Little did I know how much it would change me.

For my entire life leading up to my first exposure to Kundalini Yoga, I was someone very different from who I am now. I was a husband, a father, a business person and most important, a people pleaser. There is nothing wrong with filling any of those roles. But over the years, I lost my true self. I lost my Sat Nam.

Many people who come to Montclair Kundalini Yoga know about my passion for the book  The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. For those of you  who haven’t read the book, the principles it's based on are:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions       
4. Do your best.

Much like Kundalini Yoga, the Four Agreements teaches that we can lose our true selves. We are "domesticated" by our parents, our teachers, our coaches and our business associates. We live a life by doing what we think is expected of us. We don’t trust our own intuition. The book and Kundalini yoga both teach us how to get back to who we really are.  The book saved my life and started me on this path of trying to become my real self again.

So here is the real gift: “ I am what I am, and that’s alright.” 

To explain, Kundalini yoga has taught me to live from my heart. To be my true self. It took my almost three years of practice and teaching, but this week I finally understood it and, more importantly, I started to live it. I feel so good about who I am now! I am still a husband, a father, a business person, but I am no longer a people pleaser. I live now in integrity with my truth not trying to meet external expectations. I am finally living my true self, my Sat Nam, and it feels better than any material thing.

I listened to this recording of the song, "I Am What I Am" by Aykanna and all of it came together. 

The practice of Kundalini Yoga is so powerful that it can change the world one person at a time.

Some people in my life don’t get it and think what I do is a little crazy. You know what? I don’t care! (Second agreement. Don’t take anything personally.)

So I live my life now knowing I am the essence of truth. I am who I am, and that’s alright.